A few days ago, Trump (President of the US for those not following) has said that the US would rather not accept immigrants from “shit holes” but rather from countries like Norway. Here are 10 reasons I believe he wants them to immigrate. Keep in mind this is a satire (wink wink):
- There is no Obamacare in Norway (there is something else way better but don’t tell him)
- Norway is full of very smart people, including one who has invented the ostehøvel. And that is really practical to cut cheese, isn’t?
- Norway has a government trying to stop migrants from coming here. We have a Minister of Integration called Sylvi Listhaug and we would be very happy to send her to the US free of charge. I am sure we can do some crowd funding to pay her the ticket too.
- Norway has amazing culture and arts being exported to the whole world, from pop music (Aurora, Sigrid, Susanne Sundfør), to heavy metal (Norway is the second country with most metal bands per capita), literature (Jo Nesbø, Anne B. Ragde, Knausgaard ). Trump looooves to read and listen to good music, everyone knows that.
- Norway has the best cheese in the world (and I am French, I am in pain just writing these lines).
- I advise Trump not to accept just anyone from Norway, but especially people from the West of Oslo aged 14 to 21. They have just the right blond hair and orange skin colour that Trump likes for himself.
- Norwegians are very good at making tunnels in mountains. Maybe they will be very good at making walls too? No wait. If they come to the US they might build tunnels in the wall between the US and Mexico, and then Norway will become a shithole country too. Man, geopolitics are so complicated in Trump’s world.
- Norway has built vault up there in the north, on an island called Svalbard, a vault where all the knowledge of the world is kept in the ice. I am sure Trump could use some of that. You know, bedtime reading. (Note that this is not entirely true, the vault is keeping seeds and biodiversity. Imagining Trump in the middle of the world’s heritage was a picture I wanted to have in my mind for a few seconds).
- Norwegians are the happiest people in the world since a few months ago (they were always second or third after the Danes), and Trump certainly needs more of those people.
- Just Kidddiiiinnnggg. Trump probably does even know where Norway is on a map. What Norwegians do, eat or what kind of music they export. He met the country’s Prime Minister Erna Solberg just before saying that comment on shitholes and Norway, and Solberg was the last head of State he had met. He has the concentration span of a small child, and probably the same memory too. So if he had met the head of Sweden, Australia, or any country where people could have his skin colour and hair, he would have said that country.
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