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When I had my baby in Norway, I thought “this country is the best to be a mother, and the best to raise kids”. At least that is what every single Norwegian person I met told me. (To read this article in French, see Elever des enfants en Norvège: à quoi s’attendre)

But “best” is a subjective concept, is “best” the same for a French parent, an Indian one, and a Brazilian one? As a foreigner, raising a child in another culture and another system is a challenge in itself, mainly because this is not our native language, some of us don’t speak Norwegian, and this is not the upbringing we went through ourselves. Everything is new, both for our kid and for ourselves, yet we all have to adapt at the same time. And let’s face it, some elements are easier to adapt than others.

The joys and miseries of raising kids in Norway really depends on what your parenting style is, and what your objectives are in terms of living in Norway “forever” or moving afterwards and reintegrating your kids in another school system. For example for some parents having kids in a system where there are no grades until they turn 13 years old is fantastic, taking that pressure off their children, while for other parents it is absurd and damaging to their kid’s chances at a higher education.

This article is based on my own experience and observations, but you might have another one, so please share and comment!

• Conformism and One-size-fits-all

Norwegians are incredibly conformist in most aspects of life and society, and child upbringing is no exception.

What does one size fit all mean when raising children? Obviously we are all different and all different parents, but some rules are expected to be respected when in Norway. This mold is shown to you informally already at birth when you are sent with your kid to the local health station. They will check all sorts of things that are important for the Norwegian system, and encourage the parents in that direction. For example in Norway there is an expectation to breastfeed for one year, and other expectations in terms of starting solid food at 4 months with porridge, and other messages you hear, without being forced to comply, you are already as a parent and as a child taken in the “right” direction.

Kindergartens, in which most children go from the age of 1 year old, is the start of the real mold, where kids are expected to start the day roughly at the same time every morning, eat at the same time (11am), eat the same food as other kids, nap at the same time, eat again, play outside, learn Norwegian, and get picked up by their parents. It is then expected they will eat again, be bathed and put to bed around 7pm.

If your kid naps twice a day, eats other food, goes to bed much later, or comes in much later, it might be a problem. You will gently be asked as a parent to conform. Sånn er det i Norge. They also have lists of clothes they want you to buy, even though you might not think it is necessary you are “obliged” to accept their rules.

This is the start of the conformist adventure of child-raising in Norway. It goes on for years and for every activity. There is one way of celebrating a Norwegian birthday for kids, one way to deal with child sickness etc.

• A focus on children’s wellbeing

On the bright side, there is a big focus on children’s well-being in Norwegian society. Children are seen and valued and their feelings and needs are too. Sure, some might see this as a down side, since it also means children can rule a whole family depending on how you set boundaries (and if you do, you need to set them in a gentle way).

It is illegal for anyone to abuse children in Norway, whether it is physically, emotionally or sexually, and such crimes are severely punished. This is from a law from 1987.

Kindergartens are highly subsidised by the state and it is free for children to get any kind of health care.

The idea is that whether your parents are rich or poor you should have access to the same day care system and health service.

• No pressure for kids

Until 6 years old children are in kindergarten, where they are given time to adapt to living in community, having rules and common rhythm. They are taught to play together, resolve conflicts, sing Norwegian songs, and delve at their own rhythm. They beauty of it for me, who went through a strict French system, is that there is no pressure on children. They don’t have to be nappy-free at 3 years old like in the French system, they can have naps as long as they need to, and they are encouraged to be themselves.

• Focus on being outside and independent

Children are highly encouraged to be outside to play, and figure things out on their own, including climbing trees and getting dirty. Again, depending on your parenting style, getting your kids back with sand all over their body and clothes every day in the spring might be something you think is great or awful. In many kindergartens kids also go outside such as in the forest or out in the wilderness once a week. They have to carry their back pack with their food, clothes and water, and will walk without help, and follow the group, sometimes for several hours. This for Norwegians is the best childhood you can offer your kids, because they are living the “friluftsliv” dream. Being in nature, working your body, no screens, no disturbance from the modern world.

Again, some parents might be a bit scared to see their 3 year old carry a backpack and walk in the snow for an hour without any help. But Norwegian parents will just promise them a warm chocolate when it is time for a pause.

• When Norwegian kids are sick

When kids are sick, we have the chance to have sick day kids which are paid for my your employer, without having to work those days. Also, there is usually a good acceptance by employers that this happens and it is nobody’s fault.

Many foreign parents have complained that their children do not get the health care they need. For example because their kid needs antibiotics and the doctor refuses to prescribe them. Norway has a very strict policy on antibiotics: doctors will not prescribe antibiotics unless absolutely necessary (i.e. if there is a bacterial infection). The reason is that antibiotic resistance is highly researched here, and the Norwegian system wants to avoid that as much as possible. If you as a parent might think your kids needs antibiotics, but the doctor refuses, it can be because the doctor has tested your kid and knows it is not a bacterial infection, or the doctor has not tested and wants to see if it gets worse “det ordner seg” kind of attitude (“det ordner seg” means “it will solve itself eventually”). The first reason not to prescribe them is good, but the second follows a laziest attitude of some doctors, and many parents raised in countries where there was a much bigger access to antibiotics can get frustrated.

Another complaint by foreign parents is when kids have fever. In Norway fever in itself is not seen as something that needs treatment. It is the child’s body fighting back, and unless it hits high temperatures for a long time, it is not considered an emergency or even something to treat. The problem here, is that again, some doctors and ER rooms under estimate the seriousness of the situation, and I have heard a scary story of a child who almost died because ER nurses kept saying “det ordner seg”. It is an art to get them to take you seriously, don’t get angry but go in harassment mode to see a doctor. There is a fine line here between hysterical and concerned enough to see a doctor.

• Social pressure and tall poppy syndrom

Have you heard of the tall poppy syndrom? In a field of poppies, the tall poppy get its head cut off. They all need to be at the same level. It is the same for children in Norway. Children need to be treated the same, and not be seen as too smart, or too rich, or too anything at all. I have been giving warm food to my child since he eats solid food, and this is a difference that has hardly been tolerated by institutions such as health stations and kindergartens. The reason? Don’t stand out, the system is the same for everyone, and that mold I had writing about earlier in this article needs to get everyone on the same page. Same thing if you want to teach your kid to write earlier, or if you want to push them at school to be good or God forbid, the best. You will get “uglesett” (a Norwegian expression, looked sideways or looked at as by an owl) by teachers and other parents.

This is a fascinating topic, because there are social classes in this country and obviously some people become surgeons and others clean floors, so how are we all equal? I believe differentiation between children exists, and is subtly infused by parents of higher social classes but by still keeping the appearances of “we are all the same” expected by the Norwegian society.

• The terrible food given to children

Now my favourite topic: food given to kids in this country. This is a recurrent topic for groups of foreign parents on social media, and it has also become a topic for Norwegian parents in national newspapers. The topic is the following: why do kids in this country eat so much processed food, usually from tubes, why do they eat so much bread, why is there so little focus on giving them homemade warm food every day, with vegetables and “normal” food. Why do they eat so much sugar and so on.

Kindergartens provide between 5 and 15 meals to children every week depending on the meal plan your kindergarten has, the commune you live in etc. Some kindergartens (a minority), have a chef, making warm food to kids every day. Some get 2-3 warm meals delivered per week, and others only get one warm meal per week delivered. This means that other meals are made of “brødmat” which is slices of bread, with “pålegg” (salami, cheese etc.). Some vegetables and fruits are available, but still, some may say it is not enough and a higher focus should be given to proper meals. A high proportion of Norwegian children, as early as 1,5 years old, are put on medication due to constipation, and there have been concerns regarding the amount of salt and sugar in the food given in kindergartens.

This is a taboo topic in Norway, because of some other topics I cover here: the tall poppy syndrom. Who do you think you are to want other/better food? Bread and “pålegg” has been sold as being truly Norwegian, convenient and very healthy, so it is a difficult change to make. Read more on this topic: Kids in Norway deserve better food

• A society made for people with kids

I have no intention on raising my kids anywhere else than Norway, despite some of the “miseries” I have covered in this article. Why is that? The first reason is that this society is made for people with kids. Employees can leave at a normal hour to pick up their kids, we have subsidised kindergartens with high quality care, and children are happy. I don’t live in Oslo, and seeing Norwegian kids playing outside and roaming freely from one house to another, from one garden to the street where they are “kings” is a joy to watch.

One topic I did not cover here is the screens. I am not sure I have enough experience with this, but it seems like the heavy screen time for Norwegian kids at least imposed by the school system starts when they are 6 years old at primary school. There too, a national debate is ongoing and many political parties want to restrict the screen time and get books back into schools like Sweden has done.

Anything else I missed? Comment below!