All of these are true, either experienced by me or some of my female friends. Okay okay, some I made up, not that many actually. Hey, no one said it was illegal to have a little imagination 🙂 You can try to guess which ones I made up though, a good test to know whether you know Norwegian society well, or whether you know me well.
1. Do you want to have kids with me? If not, let me know. I am 35, no time to lose with you.
2. How many times per week do you train?
3. Do you want to be my “venn med fordell”?
Me: Your what?
Guy: Friend with benefits, you know, sex.
4. Do you like friluftsliv?
5. Don’t stand so close to my car. It’s a Tesla you know, very expensive.
6. Are you drunk? I mean drunk enough not to remember what we are about to do?
7. Which country do you come from? Oh I have a that country coloured already on my world map of origin of girls I had sex with. If you know any girl from Fiji, North Korea or Romania let me know, I am interested!
8. Guy: Would you move away from Oslo?
Girl: To where for example?
Guy: To the village in Trøndelag I grew up in and live 30 meters away from my parents. You know, for our kids to grow up in nature and stuff.
Girl: What’s your name again?
Guy: Nevermind.
9. It was such a koselig evening we spent together don’t you think?
10. To the waiter: No we’re paying separate.
To me: You had a drink more than me, don’t forget to pay everything you had tonight.
Me, quietly: Screw likestilling.
11. I really like the whale burger here, you should get that.
12. Do you want to snus?
13. Guy: Which novel from KnausgĂĄrd do you prefer?
Me: I don’t know, I haven’t read any of them.
Guy: (surprised) You don’t read Knausgård? But what DO you read then?
14. Why are you so short? Is there a genetic problem in your family?
15. Do you eat lutefisk?
16. Do you want to become a Norwegian citizen? Why not? Norway is the greatest place in the world you know.
18. Oh you’re that French girl who writes about Norwegians. How many readers do you get every week. Wow so many? Can you write about me?
19. What is your 5-year plan?
20. Did you hurt yourself when I banged the glass door in your face? Oh you expected me to hold the door for you? Sweety, this is Norway, women are not treated like children here, they are expected to hold and carry everything themselves. It’s called gender equality. (Again, screy you gender equality – sometimes).
This is mostly about what Norwegian men say, if you have any input on strange things Norwegian women say on dates, be my guest and contact me with your ideas! Also, if you have other input on things men say, bring it on. Note: this was inspired by a twitter competition called #FirstDateQuestions.
Want to know more about dating Norwegians? Check out my book here!
