Dreaming of becoming a famous blogger? Or just wanting to get famous? It is completely possible in Norway if you follow this couple of advice I will give you. You might have to make some sacrifices (marry a footballer, get a boobjob at 17, adopt a cute pig pet, inject yourself with dangerous tanning products) but how much exactly do you want this??
Way no.1: Get married to someone who is already famous and write about your life as, for example, the wife of this famous man. Many examples here: fotballfrue, a tall blond lady who married a football player and writes about her/their life. Komikerfrue, she married a stand up comedian. These women mainly write about their pregnancy, or their desire to get pregnant, or their diet, or their dog.
So I’ve been thinking. As I am not married yet I think there is still some potential to marry a famous person and write about my life with him/her. So I thought of getting married to Petter Stordalen but it turns out he is already taken. Damn it: he is super famous already, my blog would have been through the roof. But Gunnhild, if you’re out there, I think your blog would work really well. Or I could marry Olav Thon, I would call it hotellfrue.blogg.no. Or I could marry Siv Jensen and then I could call it mooooornajensfrue.blogg.no. Or I could marry Kjell Inge Røkke and I would call it fiskefrue.blogg.no (somehow that sounds a bit less appealing than fotballfrue).
No, the feminist in me cannot create a life and a name for myself based on someone I marry: unlike in the Middle Ages, I don’t want to be defined by the social status of my husband. Isn’t there a way to become a famous blogger on your own?
Way no.2. There is a way to do this on your own, in what Norwegians call Rosablogger (pink blogs). This version of becoming a famous blogger is much easier if you are a sexy and young girl but I guess anyone can try this out. A good example of this is Sophie Elise and Therese Charlotte. These bloggers started very young (around 14 years old) and did not get a famous blog based on their husband’s famous status, but based on their own achievements: a great tan, early plastic surgery operations and great skills to get talked about in the media. I must warn you this will take some effort, such as injecting yourself with dangerous stuff that will make you look orange, talk about your abortion on TV and take pictures of yourself in your bikini. Note that very big boobs are needed for this. If you don’t look naturally like a pornstar (who does…) you can of course get plastic surgery and even make a before/after blogpost out of it with the bruises and all!
I thought of becoming a rosablogger, but unfortunately this kind of blogging requires knowledge I don’t have: I have never been on a diet, have no training tips, don’t know anything about low carb recipes or low calorie food, and have no opinion about the best make up or clothes. Unfortunately I will have to stick with the Frog in the Fjord. Damn it, I could have called my rosablogg kinkyfroggy.blogg.no or theforbiddenfrog.blogg.no. See, another great opportunity missed by an inch.
Way no.3: Make a cooking blog like Trine who is now writing books and surely became famous and rich. I don’t have a TV but I’m sure she in there too. There is also Cecilia, Passion 4 Baking and so on and so on. There isn’t too much personal sacrifice involved here and there won’t be any expectation for you to talk about your intimate life experience, but you need to get creative on the cooking agenda and come up with alternatives to the very famous matprat.no
Conclusion: if you want to become famous through your blog in Norway you need to go for bigger boobs, marrying a rich and famous man or blog about what you do in your kitchen. Where the hell is Norwegian feminism when it comes to blog writers and readers? On a long vacation?
Disclaimer: I only wrote about famous women blogers because they are the ones being at the top of the charts. However, there are a few men out there writing successful Norwegian blogs, like about being a dad like pappahjerte, a blog for “tough men with a soft heart” and another one (my absolute favorite) about being sweet and sexy (and very funny): Terje is a farmer living in Trøndelag who writes an anti-rosablogg where he dresses in pink and talks about his cows and his farming machines as there were sexual objects (to make fun of rosabloggers). When I grow up I want to be like Terje!