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The Norwegian “Art” of Seduction
Original illustration by Kristin Lauvrak.
You might ask yourself when seeing this title: is there really anything to say about seduction in Norway? Is there even such “art” in Norway? In Italy one could write about the casanovas and the sexy brunettes agreeing with langourious eyes and loud conversations, in France it would be the born-seductors and the classy and snoby Parisian women teasing men with their red lipstick and long cigarettes. But in Norway?? Yes the Norwegian people also have some codes and mysteries surrounding seduction, and they will all be revealed to you now! As a disclaimer I must say they are probably not all revealed here, just those I’ve managed to catch despite poor Norwegian language skills and many cultural misunderstandings.
I found out that the Norwegian art of seduction is based on three basic principles. The first one is eye contact. In any setting (a metro, a party, a bar) a man or a woman will look at you directly in the eyes for several seconds. You might think, like me, that this guy is looking at you in a strange way. Is he stalking me? NO he is trying to seduce you with his hypnotising long eye-contact. If you are a Scandinavian woman you will look back, with a wink (?) or some kind of long smile. And that is the start of something, I guess.
Men will rarely do more than that in their part of the Norwegian seduction process. The rest seems to be the woman’s job (see principle number 2: inversion of roles).
The issue here is that such subtle signs of interest from men are completely invisible to foreign women’s eyes as we are used to heavy flirting and seeing big signs of 2 meters by 4 made by men especially for us. Here it is a little Post-it hidden in the guy’s pocket. No wonder we can’t see it and read it. It is only after some years in Norway that I realised that men do flirt in their own peculiar way in order not to do anything that might invade your private space.p>
So conclusion number one: men won’t do anything more than just looking at you for a few seconds to show interest because they are shy and/or scared and/or very respectful of women. I haven’t figured out which is strongest yet. But sometimes they are even too shy to do that. If so go directly to principle number three: alcohol.
The second basic principle is logically linked to the effect of the first principle. As men are not very brave and need a lot of moral support and encouragement to talk to women, I have observed that there is an inversion of roles in what we, Southerners, see as the usual suspects: man chasing woman, woman playing hard to get, man trying to convince woman anyway by telling her that her eyes reflect all the stars of this universe, that she is beautiful, that no, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Patriarchal, probably. More romantic, definitely.
Scandinavian women work for it, whereas we sit there and bat our eyelashes. They get active and invite men to dance and flirt openly whereas Southern women are taught to do these things subtly and discretely. You know, with a little style and dignity, not drunk with your fake tan getting off your face like I often saw in the UK. In Copenhagen, where every Friday and Saturday evening see some kind of meat market going on in town, people look at each other for minutes and hours accross the room (party, bar) until one of them comes up to the other and says “my place or your place?”. Or women just come up to a guy in a cafe, handing their number and saying “I like you, call me”. Although I see the benefits of women being like that, it is so foreign that I can only sweep and cry for all the Latin girls who never dare to do such things. Mind you, a few French men I met were offered sudden one night stands by Danish or Norwegian women in bars or parties refused. Apparently Scandinavian women are not used at all to be told by men “no thank you I am not interested in having sex with strangers whom I’ve had no conversation with beforehand”. They got quite angry (of course this is second-hand information, I never experienced it myself). Some men actually like the chasing part, in our part of the world it is that which is called seduction.
In more machist societies like France or Italy, such open flirting from a woman will be seen as an invitation for all the men in the neighboorhood. Some men (not all of course) already flirt heavily when uninvitied, so imagine if you actively seek attention. To avoid being harassed as well as to be taken as “easy” or worse, Southern European women smile a little, ignore a little, and let the guy suffer and try hard to seduce them. What happens to women who grew up in such setting when they end up in Norway? Being used to be seduced for weeks and months by men, with flowers and travels and dreams come true? Well, too bad for you, wink back and get over it.
So second conclusion: Norwegian women are fearless. Which is good, I guess, when you think in terms of gender balance, feministic battles etc. etc. but very bad for those others who were not raised in the North and who try to adapt to these foreign codes of equality even on their way to the bedroom.
The third basic principle, which is the most important of all, is the link between all the principles, the foundation of Norwegian seduction. Yes I am talking about alcohol. Most would say that the French also drink alcohol, and that is true obviously. But Norwegians as other Northern peoples like Britts, Danes, Swedes, Finns and Russians drink really a lot. A (drunk) Dane once told me that being half drunk is a waste of money. Some philosophical standpoint to think about. So this is not about drinking a few glasses, this is about getting smashed drunk, so much that you don’t remember what happened, that you felt so inhibited that you were not even yourself anymore and that it felt great. At that point, just before you pass out, vomit or you get blood poisoning, you are brave enough to make a move on that girl sitting next to you in the bar. It is 3am and everyone needs to leave because the bar is closing. This is the M moment for Norwegian couples in the making.
What comes next is the infamous party-trilogy: after-party, sex and hungover (and sometimes a bonus like vomit and morning-after pill). Most of the time it ends there, after awkward morning-after-moments: who is this person? why am I naked in his/her bed? Is this a real moose-head hanging on the wall staring at me?
In some cases you have breakfast with your one-night love and end up realising that you share real life experience (oh my god it’s so amazing I’ve also been to the Roskilde Festival) and you exchange numbers. What happens next seems to be out of anyone’s control. Is she/he interested? seems to be a question no one, absolutely no one can answer. Then follows days, sometimes weeks of exchanging sms with more smileys than anyone can stand. And then sometimes people hit it off and get together, and after many complicated commitments decide to call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. They might have kids, but rarely do they get married.
To all of those who spread the information that there are no codes of seduction in Norway, you are wrong. There are more than codes, there are scenarios that repeat themselves over and over again every friday and saturday evening in the streets of Norwegian cities.
So what if you don’t drink? (so boring, get out of here). Or what if you are tired of meeting people for one night because now you are 35 and kind of over that. Well then Norwegians start dating on the internet. That does not involve alcohol (or so I am told), but a lot of smileys (still) and long conversations through screens, which make it easier for shy Norwegian men (and women) to communicate with potential love-of-their-life without even having to pass out. More in a next blogpost: Surviving sukker.no.
Comments
90 responses to “The Norwegian “Art” of Seduction”
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Excellent post! Bravo!! Really enjoyed it 🙂 sadly (?) true though…
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[…] (HAHA!). First of all seduction in Norway is not simple at all for foreigners (see on this topic: http://afroginthefjord.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/the-norwegian-art-of-seduction/). So, as you can imagine, neither is online dating. I would say it follows rules which are even […]
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The eye contact is the most important one, and it is important to master it. It is equally important to (at least look like you’re) have fun, that’s the difference between creepy stalker eye-contact and flirty-fun eye-contact. Look – hold it for 3 secs – look away (maybe laugh at something you friend says) and repeat look – then maybe smile. Works like a charm 😉
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Well, there you go, I should have interviewed you to write this post. I still don’t feel so comfortable doing what you say, is it always easy?
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It is never easy. It is a wonder there are any Norwegians left at all, I guess if it wasn’t for alcohol we would be long gone. On the other hand; being French is a plus, because all you have to do is either talk French (considered very sexy) or English with an accent (sexy and also very cute, we have watched a lot of ‘Allo ‘Allo up here).
Fun reading, keep up the good work! -
Im dating a foreign girl at the moment, and just for the fun i googeled “tips on how to date norwegian men” … I must say i havent had so many good laughs in ages, i have been laughing until i cried. (I honestly hope she wont try to follow any advice from any of these bloggs, she would miss on most things, at least with me)
The thing i see repeat itself as a tip is alcohol, but thats not realy true, even if it might help on some men.(but would you realy want a man you need to get drunk before he can talk to you?)
Myself i dont like loosing controll and get to intoxicated, neither do i like to hit on girls that is obvioulsy to drunk.I must say, norwegian men differ just as mutch as men from other countrys, we are all different. I aslo notice many say that we are generaly introvert, i think this is wery wrong, its just our respect for women that makes us more carefull in our approach, we are worried we would insult or seem desperate/creepy if we are to pushy. If you like a norwegian man, tell him and make your intentions clear. and he will open up. You will need to win his trust before he spills his soul to you.
The reason few men offers to pay the bill on a date, but rather offer to split the bill,is that most norwegian women would take that as a insult to their own ability to pay for themself. Or they would think that we expect something in return. I might be old fashioned, so sometimes i ask if its ok, and ask her to allow me to be a gentleman at least on a few occasions. (some norwegian girls even get insulted by me opening the door for them, even if its just a gesture of politeness)
The eye contact is basicaly true as Frida above explained, but myself and many other men i know would have no problem going over and ask for a girls tlf nr, or give her a compliment or flowers, and ask if she wants to go for a coffe or lunch, if we find her attractive.
(i must ask, did you only visit the capital or other big cities and only in the club scenario in norway?)
Another thing i would like to comment on, i have myself been offered to go home with total strangers for sex, and i turn them down. But it have not happend many times, and few girls i know would extend that offer without having talked together beforhand, and are realy interested).(its more a 20 age thing, and usualy when drunk beyond recognition)
And we are quite capable talking about emotions, if we trust the girl, so obviously its better to be honest about your intentions with norwegian men.
And yes, we do like independent women, so taking controll and show that you know what you want is not bad either, but here you have to be sensible and register if he reacts positive or pull back, we are all different. But most i know like a bit of initiative from girls to, it just shows that you know what you want.
And the failing of some women from other countries might come from playing hard to get. Some men would read that as if the girl are cold and without passion, and we do like fire in our girls.
And good luck!
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Reading your post I suddenly realised why so many Norwegian women finds so many non-Norwegian men incredible rude. We do not like to be chased or tried to be seduced without giving the proper signals that we are interested. We find it very rude and annoying. If we show signals about being “hard to get” it is because we are really not interested, and expect the other person to respect that. And how do we show interest? The way Frida says. We flirt. In the way we use our eyes. Then by small talk. If we like someone we treat them that way, like someone we like. Even after living abroad it had never occurred to me that this is not the way one does in other cultures, I tend to think it had been working well for me there as well.
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Last night I talked about this with my husband. He said: “How do men know that their attention is not appreciated if the women act like they ignore the man when they are?”. “I do not know” I said. And I do not know. How do you know?
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Dear Beate, I read about your confusion. I updated the post and hopefully it will help you understand better 🙂
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The proper signals beeing that you will accept his pricey gifts, and his spending, in return for occasional sex, mixed with nag nag nag, and whine sob sniff.
Norwegian girls need to worship their man like he worships them.
Its a 2-way street.
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Interessant å få et perspektiv av ei som kommer utenfra 🙂 Jeg begynner å skjønne nå hvorfor vi skandinaviske menn ikke er så populære utenfor skandinavia..
Men det er en ting som jeg ikke er enig med deg i, at det er jentene som tar initiativ. Det finnes noen jenter som gjør det, jeg har selv truffet på noen, som regel for kortere forhold, men i all hovedsak er det fortsatt guttens ansvar å ta initiativ. Egentlig kurtiseringen noe både gutten og jenta tar del i, ikke bare en av partene.
Jeg vil si at det ikke er fullt så komplisert som du framstiller det her, jeg vil si at det viktigste for ei jente er rett og slett å være hyggelig og imøtekommende. Hvis du spiller “hard to get”, eller er isdronning, som vi gjerne kaller det, tror jeg aldri fungerer i Norge, slik som det gjerne kan gjøre i andre land. Jeg er også helt enig med det Frida skriver.
I like this new word “romatinc” you’re using 🙂
alt er feil… nordmenn er bare enn ubestemmelig røre av folk som ikke vet hva de vil eller hva de driver med, pga. alt som het kultur og sosial sammakt finnest ikke lengre, vi sitter alle man å glor på tv eller spiller, og er vi ute så glor vi pokken meg i skjermen på telefonen. Eg har bare ett ord for det; Zombie
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Jøss
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Bra du ikke er en da. Gå ut, og gjør verden til et bedre sted, D!
I just learned something. I dont know how many times my girlfriends and I have complained about foreign men and how pushy they are. It seems they cant take no for an answer. No matter how cold a shoulder you give them, they never give up! Now I know why 🙂
How do you make them understand that you are really not interested?
All U av to do is to say “I’m not interested. Sorry” Simple? Simple 🙂
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Hahaha Like that would ever work!! ;D It seems like they are taking that as part of the game.
I was told by both a Norwegian man and a Norwegian woman that it is more up to the woman because men here do not want to be seen as: Stalkers, pigs, rude, sexual predators and the like. Norwegian men prefer to give the woman, who in most places is on constant alert around men, the choice to decide if they want to pick up a relationship, want to be flirtatious or friendship and the freedom to just be. Being American and being married to a Norwegian (also living in Norway), I find is infinitely refreshing to know that I am not going to be prowled upon when out in the city by lewd men. I find the idea of “Lady’s Choice” a very lovely way to show women that they are respected, their decisions are respected, their sexuality is respected and that they, by most accounts, are safe. I find that a lot of Norwegian men are very romantic because they know how to listen and treat you with respect.
It may not always be exotic trips or jewelry, but it will be very thoughtful and tailored to you. Or so I have found both in receiving and watching others receive gifts.
I’ve heard men from other countries, both visitors and immigrants alike, calling women sluts for how they dress here (many whom I’ve taken on in debate and then provided some cultural awareness). Never have I heard to a native Norwegian guy refer to a woman like that, no matter what she is or isn’t wearing. I can’t think of a single native Norwegian man who has ever spoke a derogatory term about women come to think of it. While yes, things are can be more revealing in the clothing department than a lot of us are used to, that does not constitute that Norwegian women are sluts. On the contrary. Women here feel safe, because of how men treat them in bars, clubs, parties and in the city, to wear what they want because there isn’t this pervasive idea of “She’s asking for it”…. because she actually has to ASK for it if she wants it. I know I feel different here. That level of alertness that I always carried around with me is something I reserve for when I am outside of Norway. I never realized how oppressive it was till I got here.
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My thoughts exactly, Jenn! I so appreciate the safety, for the most part, women have here when it comes to dressing how they feel. I think it’s safe to say Americans have a distorted relationship with nudity that Norwegians don’t have. My first summer here, I was surprised that the women wearing daisy dukes and cropped tops weren’t gettting cat calls from left and right. That’s one of the qualities I appreciated about my husband when we first met was his lack of predatory style. It’s an approach I feel much more comfortable with.
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Inspite of this interesting (really, I find this post interesting) blog post, your comment made me consider to visit Norway more and more and experience it on my own.
A Lady’s choice, like you said, well, I think it is just a small amount of it that I experience in my country.
Pretty spot on ! I posted it on my Facebook yesterday and 5 people already shared it 😉
Great blog! You write this with such humor, and I just love it.
I totally understand the confusion about social “do’s and dont’s” in this country, and even native women can become confused also.
As someone said earlier in this blogpost, there are pro’s and con’s to both sides of the issue at hand. Native men has been raised to be respectfull of women, and in total I think this is something that they should be credited for, but that being said: A major part of the native guys (especially those younger than 35) would benefit from learning a FEW tricks from their southern “brothers” regarding flirting and courtship.
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that I wish native Norwegian guys could be a bit more romantic and “celebrate the courtship” for what it is! Life gets boring in the end any way, so why not make the BEGINNING of the relationship remarkable???
This is probably where foreign men fails…. there is a fine line between being “stalky” and being persistent, but over all I thinkg the native Norwegians has something to learn from the Italians and the French.
I was about to give the foreign guys some advice just now, but I realized I could’nt! It is soooo personal how each and every girl percieves an invite from a guy of foreign origing (due to personal experience both good and bad) that there are no one set of rules that would apply.
But if a foreign guy was to flirt with me because he liked me and wanted to get to know me, he would in fact score many points by just saying so, and then ask for a date in broad daylight in a coffeeshop! Most native Norwegians (like myself) tend to think: You will NOT find mr. or mrs. Right during a night on the town! And that is probably why there are so many singles out there at night, drinking to much and getting personal needs “taken care of” by a one-nighter because the everyday-life is too busy to include dating… and that is just plain sad!
You really hit the nail on the head! Great observation. And finally, someone gets the excessive use of smiley faces! I’ve become so used to it now that I almost feel rude if I don’t include it in a message.
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Some much-needed insight into the extravagant use of smiley faces by my Norwegian, shall-we-say, Internet “pen pal”?
Très bien décrit !! En ce qui concerne une “relation”, la différence (énorme) culturelle rend cela très difficille si le/la Norsky n’a pas d’experience ou de “Latinophilie” pré-existante… et ouais, niquer pour niquer… c’est même pas fun aucune séduction ! Ca brise le jeu.
Awesome article. Being Spanish and having a Spanish husband I have to say that the strategy that I used to get him was to find out if he was interested in me. I asked about him to some friends I trust. That way he could know that there was a possibility that I was interested while I was playing the “isdronning”. I learned that yes, he was interested in me, so I was able to ignore him safely, knowing that I was not going to lose him, while at the same time I went to the places where I knew he was so he could see me around and notice that I was available because I was with no other guy but with girlfriends, hehe. In southern Spain if your man is not peeing around you like a dog, then you are available and it’s okay to try.
ohh womans dont worry.. who says italiian and french woman 😀 in my experience.. russian ladies are the best in the world
This post is absolutely brilliant!
Its alot of over exaggeration and wrong in there, there is alot of flirting and alot of romance, Its true that its completely different from souther/latin culture though!
I like our system better though, We just dont bother with uninterrested girls, why would we?
Going to keep on reading your blog, great reading! Thx for sharing your views on my beloved Norway!
However you clearly use to few smilies;)
From my experience, showing that you are not interested as a strategy to flirt is more of a “macho” thing. Let me explain: that way the latin man knows that you are not an easy latin woman, meaning a whore. If you are “difficult to get” is supposed to mean that you haven’t had many relationships or the ones that you have had were serious. However, non of this has to be necessarily true: you can be an man-eater but hide it very, very well, hehehe. It has to do with that socially accepted concept of the latin lover that is a perfect casanova and proud to have sex with hundreds like Julio Iglesias (yeah, right) but getting married with a virginal white-dressed bride. Sad and hypocritical, but true.
Heisan Lou! J’ai trouvé ton blog et me suis tout de suite empressée de lire ce post. Comme c’est tellement vrai tout ce que tu décris, et surtout MERCI pour l’éclairage! Comme je bosse dans un bar chaque second week-end, j’ai bien commencé à observer toutes ces tactiques et ce jeu ultra subtil des norvégiens (surtout le eye-contact relativement troublant). Et avec la consommation éthylique sans modérations de ces chers et chères vikings et vikingues, ça donne des scènes assez comiques… Je vais aussi m’empresser de suivre tes conseils histoire de réussir mon adaptation aux nordiques 🙂
Me réjoui de lire tes futurs billets!
To cover “basic needs” the Norwegian way provides a more efficient quickfix than the southern/latin way as I see it 🙂
Reblogged this on Thyra10 and commented:
Great insights from a French woman who struggles with the Norwegian (and Danish) “art” of seduction.
Here’s a basic principle: Norwegians don’t date. They have no concept of dating. They hang out with potential lovers more or less like they hang out with their friends.
That-is-hilarious! Very strange culture indeed for us Southerners.
When you think about it in the end, the seducing, mysterious and mind-changing typical French girl is just actually too afraid to reveal her desires and be called “slut”.
This is such a stupid aspect of our still conservative culture.
Still, I prefer to go and talk to girls rather than looking at them in a strange way and waiting patiently for them to come, much more fun in my opinion.
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You are, of course, free to go and talk to anyone you want. In the same way the girls are. Just be polite.
[…] who’ve never met each other and haven’t exchanged a single word. It’s called “Norwegian seduction”. Note that an alcohol-free version of Norwegian seduction is also possible, through internet […]
Going abroad always makes me realize how much I like Norwegian guys… They are fun, down-to-earth, not to stuck-up when it comes to what women can and can’t do, and don’t see you as a trophy they show to their friends. And they respect your views. If you are not interested in anything but smalltalk or anything but friendship and tell them in a non-rude way, they’re okay with it and often keep talking to you just because they find you interesting. Great friendships can come out of such situations. I find it weird when some people from other countries tell me they don’t really have any friends of the opposite sex, because they have a boyfriend/girlfriend so that wouldn’t be appropriate(!) or because they have never had a relationship to someone f the opposite sex outside their family that wasn’t romantic or sexual. Norwegian guys are great friends regardless of if you are a girl or a guy.
I really hate it when guys persist in bothering me even though I have long ago gotten tired of it, sometimes they can also be really dirty about it and that’s even more unpleasant. It ruins a good night. If I wanted to hook up with them, they would’ve known. That mostly happens with foreigners though. I suppose it is a bit rude of me in my Norwegianness to get mad and snappy at them, or eventually even tell them in a not very nice way that they are bothering me and should leave me alone before I ask the guards to throw them out so they will stop bothering me. It doesn’t happen often, but the few times it does happen are enough to “scare” me from going out to such places. I prefer pubs where I can sit with friends and drink beer, actually talking because the music isn’t overly loud, and feel safe knowing I can control my own night, it won’t be ruined by pesky guys who just can’t take no for an answer.
That being said, it’s not like Norwegian men are saints either – some of them seem really nice and respectful, but then you hear from a male friend of yours what they heard that nice and respectful guy flirting with you say about women when there were just guys around. And some of them can be really persistant aswell. Just because I go to a club doesn’t mean I’m out to get laid. Proof that a lot of women feel this way: the amount of straight women going to gay bars, Not just because it feels refreshing in a cruel way to see your male, straight friends suddenly realize what it’s like to be hit on in such a way, but also because it’s a place where people talk to you without wanting to get in your pants.
God… the more I read, the more I come to realize that we’re a bunch of retards. I’m glad I managed to get a hold of a French girl. She is eager to learn Norwegian now thanks to this blog, so… thanks 🙂
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A bunch of retards? Do you even understand what you’re reading?
True….if you are in your 20’s. 🙂
By the 30’s there is actual flirting going on, because by then, the gender-roles have shifted (men with secure jobs/lives are more attractive than a single mom with two kids). The women also seem to calm down more and are more looking for a mate than a date.
Personally I’ve never had a one-nighter (what’s the point anyway?).
Sex is best with a person you know (better and better), and when you are not intoxicated by alcohol.(if you should be so mature as to dare!)
Norwegian men are maybe not the best flirters and sweet-talkers, we normally show our appreciation trough other means (attention, inclusion, interests, desires and equality).
Being too up-front and “latin” to Norwegian women (if you are not latin yourself), will come across as sexist, perverted, deranged and no class.
The equality-thing has actually gone so far in Norway that it has put a lot of men off Norwegian/Scandinavian women. A lot of us are looking elsewhere (southern/central Europe, Russia & co and Asia), to find women who aren’t aiming to overtake every male-dominated area and that also acknowledge that there are actual differences (strengths/weaknesses) between the sexes in many areas .
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“A lot of us are looking elsewhere (southern/central Europe, Russia & co and Asia), to find women who aren’t aiming to overtake every male-dominated area and that also acknowledge that there are actual differences (strengths/weaknesses) between the sexes in many areas .”
LOL I’m Asian and trust me we can be as bad as the scandinavian women..
besides from what I’ve noticed a lot of relationship between Norwegian men and foreign women crumbled(not all) for many reasons.They all eventually returned to Norwegian women themselves.. -
“A lot of us” – the ones that have no success, including women who go to Turkey to find the first and best. I’m part Russian myself, and the dating culture there is quite similar to how it is in the Nordic.
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This.
[…] men can try very hard, French women are so used to be heavily flirted with that the subtleties of Norwegian seduction will appear like a simple conversation. However, I have seen it, more under pride than arrogance. […]
Out of curiosity, I’m a foreigner (Canadian) dating a Norwegian girl and I’ve been in a relationship with her for almost a year now. We’re both in our mid 20′s and I’m trying to figure out how to maybe get more serious with her. I always give her space, never been pushy, and pretty laid back about my approach to the relationship. Will there be a time where I need to take the initiative and maybe help push the relationship forward? Or should I just let her take the time and decide what she wants? She’s an amazing girl, and we have a pretty good chemistry (Also we’re both in professional school together). What should I expect in dating her in the long term? I understand that every girl will be different, but is there something to understand in terms of Norwegian customs/culture when it comes to long term relationships with a Norwegian girl.
Thanks!
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One thing you must know; norwegians to not date. Dating is a foreign ritual. Treat her like what she is, a friend you like. Hang out with her the way you would hang out with a friend you like. If she likes you it will more forward naturally. Try to push her into `dating` and making things very serious and she“s gone.
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Unless you are kissing and holding hands publicly, you’ve found yourself a friend, Jay. What norwegians love more than anything is honesty, so be honest with her, approach the topic head-on by saying something like “Hey. I really like you, and the time we spend together, like this, is wonderful, but I need to know what ‘this’ is.” (Unless it’s obvious that you are dating, which is great! Honesty above all else. You can choose not to talk about something, but never lie to a norwegian you want to keep around. If they find out they will feel extremely betrayed, even if it’s something small.
Its a funny article and I started thinking about something. I`m a norwegian man and in every single relationship I have been in, it was the girls who took the first step. Haven`t really thought about it before (because it is very normal) but I saw them, gave them a look and then it was all up to them from there. Luckily for me, they responded to my `non-flirting` and basically picked me up. First girl who got me into bed was a girl who actually rang my doorbell and invited herself into my bed, she insisted and I didn`t do anything to make that happen. Ans she actually came back and did the same thing again a little later. I think norwegian women are strong and independent and I like that, it`s not my job as a man to chase them down and make them so tired that they cant say no, I show interest in a subtle way and if they like what they see, they chase me down. If they are not interested, I leave them alone. It works well.
I don’t like the Norwegian seduction thing, Its REALLY stupid and my experience/observation is that its rarely the woman that makes the move.. BUT when they do it…..well…they usually do it when they find a stupid girl looking guy who wear makeup and uses 500 to 1000 euros on clothing( In my town at least and i don’t say that all of them do but MANY). I guess some think that this comment is too harsh and maybe i am unfair but i am saying saying what i feel its like… And it maybe true(what i said above).. And that makes me truly sad.
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I ment to write (norwgian women not just any women)
This is a wondeful blog, very well written! I write romance novels in Norwegian (Yes, there is such a thing), and find it hard not to repeat myself all the time because of the way we deal with romance. A Polish translator once said that in Norwegian stories people always look at eachother, and that for her to translate this was very challenging. I never really noticed that before – now I see it in my writing all the time, of course. So I think your observations are spot on!
I prefer the Norwegian way to the pushy way of foreigners. But that’s probably because I’m Norwegian 😉
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I prefer the Norwegian way and I am not Norwegian. I feel like in Norway I can wear what I want and I do not get sexually harassed in the street. I have actually never felt more free as a woman than since I moved to Norway.
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check out this one, you might like it 🙂 http://afroginthefjord.com/2014/01/05/the-joys-of-being-a-woman-in-norway/
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This is one of the reasons why I love the Scandinavian culture!
There is more respect and equality between not only the genders, but also between the different social classes. People see each other a bit more as people, and a bit less like a piece of meat.
Although I don’t agree that its all up to the women, it’s certainly true that there is no longer a very clear “hunter/prey” pattern here, and that women are more free to express their interest and sexuality without being looking down upon.
Why play games and risk missing out on a guy you like, when you can just go out there and try your luck? A culture that judges women for doing the same stuff as men, or the other way around, is a sexist one. Its soon 2015 anyway, we should be past that whole female/male role pattern nonsense! It doesnt do women any good at all. 🙂
(Also, winking.. ? I think that works best in cartoons 😀 )
Hey great article.
Did I get this right? Guys just need to get their best looks, and make themselves available for the ladies and wait to be picked up? 🙂
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Hehe yes John you got it right. I am sure there are other subtleties though 🙂
Hi… Woww… great article. I like it so much…. ermmm I’m Asian from Malaysia… My name is Florence, and I would love to meet someone from Norway…
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Hi Florence,
Sorry it’s taken 7 years to reply to your post, but I would love to look into your eyes for 3 seconds and then turn away. My name is Tobben and I’m 100% norwegian. I am quite shy.
Great article but I want to know if this apply to Norwegians men ages 30s and up?
Anyone have anything they would like to share about dating older Norwegian men (single of course), say 55-65? I have a story, however, would be interested if age is factor in the male approach of pursuit and the expected or anticipated response.
I think is genius. I am a southern girl and I like a Norwegian guy a lot. He told me that he is shy but I did not believe him because he was pretty flirty with me as you said looking my directly in the eye. I know since the very beginning he was interested but he never ask for a date or something. So maybe yes, he is scared.
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Then you have to go for it!! Don’t be shy!
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Norway is the place for me to live. I’m from poland and I’m shy so I will never get girl here because you have to literally chase her and people tell me to get over it because that’s the way it is and that it’s me who has to change and start to be pushy, well hell with them I won’t change a thing… save for a country!
I think this is fairly accurate if you’re talking only about casual hookups. One thing you may have missed (or just choosen not to address here) is that the dynamics change between friends.
It’s true, I think, that many (most?) Norwegian men will hesitate to make their interest TOO obvious to a woman who is a stranger, like you say, the last thing you want is to come off as intrusive or harassing.
But most Norwegian relationships don’t start like that anyway. Most relationships start in social circles, between people who are already acquaintances or friends. Among students who attend the same classes; at work or during shared hobbies.
And we’re less gender-segregated than many countries, which means many have plenty of friends and contact of both genders, and *that* is the garden in which most relationships grow.
And in those circumstances, flirting can be pretty “large signs” as you say; if you don’t know me and the woman I arrived with, you could even (mistakenly) believe we’re already a established couple while what we actually are is a established friendship on the way towards becoming something more.
Norwegians don’t tend to believe in the “friendzone” in the sense of once someone is a “friend” they’ll never become a “lover”, instead many (most?) Norwegians find a majority of our lovers among our friends.
[…] other cultures (e.g: why Japanese boys are hot, why Korean boys are hot, why Swedish boys are hot, why Norwegian boys are hot, and EVEN why Singaporean guys are hot wtf.) You see, you can easily find raves on Finnish ladies […]
hey hey! I am an Iranian student here in Norway and I cannot agree more! so true! and sadly I cannot get used to this way of seduction
My Norwegian lady broke all the English traditions I have understood, by slapping me around the head and then running off into a festival crowd, thinking I hadn’t seen her playful swipe. But I caught her in the corner of my eye, running to hide, laughing.
That has never happened to me before, but of course I responded in the only way an Englishman can know how.
I asked her to marry me. I don’t think she was quite expecting that, but she certainly seems to be happy about it.
As a norwegian male, I am somewhat offended at this post. There is so much more to the dating scene than this. Like shots… And refusing to dance when at clubs. And athleticism (or lack thereof).
Just because we dont follow the latin countries’ take on dating and seduction by doing stuff which by the way would be regarded as mysogynistic with severe stalker-tendencies in Norway, doesn’t make it “cowardly.” (Well, unless avoiding prison and restraining orders is cowardly.)
[…] The book is much more personal than the blog, and many stories for example of travels all around Norway, as well as how I moved here, all the cultural shocks of the beginning are there but absent from the blog. It is like a novel, with a story from the beginning to the end, going through my first year in Norway. Some of my readers’ favorite blogposts are also included in the book, such as How to make things Koselig, and The Norwegian “Art” of Seduction. […]
[…] 1. The Norwegian definition of “intimacy” is different than from the rest of the world. In Norway it is not considered intimate to sleep with someone for one night while both persons are drunk. However, to drink a cup of coffee together 3 days later in broad daylight is considered like a much bigger step in a relationship and in intimacy between two persons. Another step at the level of intimacy just before marriage is to go to IKEA together. So in Norway, to exchange body fluids is not intimate, but to argue in front of a JOKKMOKK IKEA table is extremely intimate. Also see the rules of The Norwegian “Art” of Seduction. […]
my friends sent me this blog because they enjoy teasing me about my norwegian boyfriend, that isn’t really my boyfriend. this article is funny – i can’t say how accurate it is though.
[…] The Norwegian art of seduction […]
The true as it is , love the blog.
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